Why Is Making Friends as an Adult So Hard
Mastering the Awkward Art of Adult Friendship
No one warned us that making friends post-25 would feel like an awkward dating reality show. But if you’re out here thinking you’re the only one feeling a little lonely, rest assured, there are plenty of us sitting alone on a Friday night thinking the same thing.
As a former shy girl who has moved constantly and still gets fomo when I meet people who have big groups of friends they’ve grown up with I feel I have a thing or two to add to this topic. Not to mention I see it affecting so many people my age from guys to girls, clients, acquaintances and everything in between.
So, here’s your no-BS, slightly unhinged guide to making friends as an adult without dying of awkwardness:
1. Accept That It’s Going to Be Awkward (at first)
If you’re waiting for friendship to “just happen” like it did at school when you bonded over the shared trauma of PE class (that might be a more personal type of trauma bonding for me), it’s time to let that dream go.
Making friends as an adult feels like something that feels illegal but actually isn’t. It requires you to basically say, “Hi, I think you seem cool, can we hang out sometime?” which at first seems almost impossible but with a little practice actually becomes enjoyable.
With this one the cringe is temporary but the potential for lifelong friendship? Priceless!
2. Do Stuff You Actually Like (So You Meet People You’ll Actually Like)
It may seem like a good idea but I promise you going to a networking brunch unless you actually enjoy talking about quarterly projections and getting sore feet will just lead to acquaintances not friendships.
Instead, the one, most pivotal thing I have learnt when looking for your forever after adult besties is just go and do what you truly enjoy (and don’t be afraid to do it alone).
Enjoy hiking? Join a group walk or hiking community, or simply hike more.
Great at painting? Take a class, book yourself into sip and paint (because when has a glass of wine made anything worse)?
Obsessed with niche conspiracy theories? There’s probably a Meetup for that.
The key is proximity. Be around people doing things you enjoy. It makes small talk infinitely easier when you can be like, “Wow, we really nailed that sourdough starter, huh” and on top of that you’ll meet people that are into what you’re into, plus that bread making morning invite won’t seem so random…
3. Say Yes to Stuff, Even If You Kind of Don’t Want To
I know. You’re tired. You’ve got your trackies on. There’s a new season of MAFS that has just started. The hard truth is, if you want friends, you have to leave the house (most of the time at least)
For a little while, just default to being a yes person:
Yes to the things that make you nervous.
Yes to the stuff that feels out of your comfort zone.
Yes to being the bigger person and reaching out first.
Worst case scenario: it’s awkward and you never go again.
Best case scenario: you meet your new best friend!
4. Be the One Who Goes First (aka Be Bold)
Everyone wants deeper friendships, but we’re all out here making weather-related small talk like cowards.
The hack? Go first.
Ask the questions and actually listen to the answers. Be inquisitive. Share and be open (although obviously read the room here, we don’t need oversharing just yet)
We live in a world where we are so caught up in our own lives and thanks to social media everyone else looks like they are having a ball it’s easy to forget there are probably friends of yours right now sitting there feeling the exact same way you are. So reach out to them and instead of “we should hang out sometime” (which never happens), try “Hey, want to come to this thing with me on Thursday?”
Be specific and boom, suddenly, you’re the glue holding the social fabric together. Look at you go.
5. Keep the Friendship Alive
If you find someone who you feel like could be the next big positive influence in your life make the effort.
Side note: Pay attention to how you feel when you walk away from people. If you feel good, invest in the friendship, if you feel drained or negative it might be time to reassess where you spend your energy.
Making friends is one thing. Keeping them is another. It’s shockingly easy for a promising new friendship to dissolve into “we should totally catch up soon!” texts that never materialise.
So, be the person who:
Sends the meme.
Follows up after hanging out.
Suggests the next thing.
Friendship momentum is real. Water it like a plant. Feed it snacks. These things take work.
I know it feels scary to put yourself out there. You’re risking rejection. You’re risking mild embarrassment. You’re risking someone thinking you’re slightly too eager.
But honestly? Life’s too short to sit around waiting for the everything to show up at your feet or expect people to know how you feel when you don’t tell them.
Everyone is just hoping someone else will make the first move. So be that person. Be a little cringe. Be a little bold.
For sure life as an adult in 2025 can feel lonely but your future besties are out there—probably also sitting at home in their trackies, wondering how the hell to make friends as an adult so go find them.