The Motivation Myth: The Real Thing Holding You Back
You don’t need more fire. You need less friction
It’s a tale as old as time… setting a goal, starting out full of bright eyed excitement and the motivation to boot, then a couple of weeks later, beating yourself up for ‘falling off track’.
Side note: If there was one phrase I could eradicate from the health and fitness industry, it would be that, closely followed by cheat meal.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard someone say, “I’m just lazy” or “I’m just not motivated enough” when they make even the smallest deviation from their often ambitious plans. Equally, if I could have a pound coin for every time I’ve said ‘you just need to try harder’ to myself, I would probably be writing this from a high spec camper van in the middle of Patagonia somewhere.
So I get it. It feels like an easy explanation. But after years of working with people from all walks of life, I can confidently say this:
It’s almost never laziness or lack of motivation.
It’s fear.
It’s overwhelm.
It’s life being a lot.
It’s feeling like no matter what you do, you’re still not getting it right.
It’s setting goals that are so rigid or extreme that falling short feels inevitable or it’s not having a clear goal at all.
The problem is that once you’ve told yourself the story that it’s just a you problem, it’s hard to unpick it. It becomes a kind of identity. “I’m not the kind of person who sticks with things,” or “I’ll always be all or nothing.” But those stories are almost always built on shame and misunderstanding, not reality.
You’re Not Lazy, You’re Human
Here’s what I’ve seen time and time again. When someone gives up on their health goals, it’s hardly ever because they didn’t care enough. If that was true you probably wouldn’t have started in the first place. It’s usually because:
They tried to change everything at once, and it became unsustainable.
They didn’t feel supported, or felt alone in the process.
They were waiting to feel ready, but the moment never came.
They judged themselves harshly for every slip-up and spiralled (read this one again)
They were burnt out in other areas of life and had nothing left to give (also read this one again)
None of these things scream “lazy.”
They scream human.
The Motivation Myth
This being said, I do believe that if you want something badly enough you will make it happen, even if that takes many failed attempts (case in point - my many failed weight loss attempts such as terrible fad shakes and soul destroying soup diets before years later finding something that worked).
If you really want it, you’ll find a way but it doesn’t mean it’s quick, easy or not preceded by a graveyard of previous efforts, and again, that’s ok.
We often wait for a burst of motivation, a feeling that is often glorified as the spark we need to finally make change happen. And sure, it can be. We’ve all had those moments where we feel fired up to take action. But motivation is fickle. It’s tied to how we feel in a moment, and feelings aren’t stable ground to build anything on (as illustrated by some of my previous relationships 😅).
The problem is: when we rely on motivation to show up before we act, we spend most of our time… waiting. Motivation might get you started, but it won’t keep you going so we need to stop using motivation as our sliding scale of progress.
If Not Motivation, Then What?
What keeps people going, what actually creates long-term change, isn’t motivation.
It’s not will power either.
It’s structure.
It’s habit.
It’s reducing friction.
It’s accepting that some days will suck and doing it anyway (the JFDI* mentality I love so much)
And most of all, it’s discipline.
But not in the harsh, punishing way people often think of it.
Discipline is simply the act of showing up for yourself, especially when it’s not exciting. Especially when it’s inconvenient.
Because here’s the thing: you don’t need discipline for the stuff you enjoy.
No one needs to force themselves to watch back to back episodes of reality tv (🙋🏻♀️), spend time at a coffee shop with their best friend (🙋🏻♀️) or scrolling social media for longer than they care to admit (🙋🏻♀️). We naturally do what gives us quick pleasure.
Discipline is for the things you know are good for you, even when they’re uncomfortable, boring, or unglamorous.
Stretching. Going to bed on time. Doing a short workout when you’d rather collapse on the sofa. Saying no to the thing that pulls you away from your values. Drinking your damn water.
I do some form of exercise each day not really because I’m disciplined (although yes some days are harder than others to convince myself) but because I enjoy it. It’s the boring things above that really require discipline, which begs the question:
If discipline is what we need, how do we create it?
While sometime yes you do need to JDFI, it really looks like setting up systems, boundaries, and defaults that support the kind of person you want to be, even when you’re tired or cranky or don’t feel like it. If you haven’t read Atomic Habits by James Clear it might be worth checking out but essentially building your environment to make the habits you need to do to reach your goals is game changing.
That’s not failure. That’s success in motion.
The Cherry On Top Of The Discipline Cake
Discipline absolutely plays a role in creating lasting change, but it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Before assuming you just need to try harder, it’s worth considering the bigger picture.
Maybe you set yourself up with an all-or-nothing plan that was never sustainable to begin with. Maybe you’ve been trying to do it all on your own, without any real support or accountability and you thrive with that? Maybe your long hours and constant work stress are making it difficult or even just spending too much time around friends that are energy vampires not radiators (we’ll save this one for another post) is making everything ten times harder?
Ultimately, we need to take a two pronged approach one addressing the ‘how we got here’ holistic approach and the other ‘what we really want and how we create the systems to be disciplined to achieve them’ approach.
Once we can master these things there is only one thing left to do… stop responding to small slip-ups by spiralling into self-criticism and shame, which ironically often derails us far more than the slip-up itself. That’s the backbone of how I design my coaching and programs, whether someone’s starting from scratch or getting back after burnout. Trust me nothing good comes from berating yourself constantly, I should know, I’m the expert…
Sometimes, you’re simply in too deep. When life feels overwhelming in other areas, it’s no surprise that you have nothing left in the tank for workouts, meal prep, or self-discipline. Again these factors don’t make you weak or lazy, they make you human (louder for the people at the back).
Addressing them honestly is often the key to building the kind of consistency that lasts.
The Bottom Line
If you’ve fallen off track, you’re not broken.
You’re not lazy.
You’re not doomed.
You probably just need a slightly better plan, a bit more grace, and maybe a reminder that showing up imperfectly is still showing up.
Forget the all-or-nothing approach.
Forget waiting for motivation to strike.
Instead, build systems that support you, rely on discipline when it counts, and keep going, even if it’s slow.
You’re doing better than you think.
Lucy ❤️
*JFDI: Just Fucking Do It!
I totally agree with you on this. I just wrote an article on healing and I write about a lot of the same concepts but in a different context. I love your content!
Yes, let's erase the phrase "cheat meal"... Totally gets my hackles up 😅