Defeating Imposter Syndrome from The Biggest Imposter Going
The advice that gave me hope that I could one day say F you to imposter syndrome
Ok, so the title may seem a little bit dramatic, but for anyone that has experienced the seemingly relentless grip that imposter syndrome can have on you, I know you will totally relate.
As long as I can remember I have been in one of two states. Either a chronic people pleaser or in a constant state of crisis waiting to get caught out by anyone and everyone for… well, being a fraud at life. You name the setting and I would have felt the full force of being an imposter from studying at university, running my business, in friendships and my career. Heck, I’ve even had it in relationships!
The definition of imposter syndrome is ‘a feeling of self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments among high-achieving individuals’. It is chronically familiar and too often all consuming. For me on reflection a lot of these feelings have come from a life of chronic people pleasing then further fuelled by losing a significant amount of weight. It appears that the physical weight I lost landed straight on my shoulders in the form of self doubt and a huge identity crisis.
I now understand why I felt this way better than I did in the past but 5 years later I still struggle to separate the ‘past self’ from the ‘present me’ which for all intense purposes are completely opposing people. I often find myself frozen in inaction for weeks at a time, unable to get out of my own way. It’s frustrating and totally crippling.
As I have navigated this over the years there have been a few pieces of advice I have received or seen that eventually always seem to pull me out of the black hole of doom and remind me it’s time to put my big girl pants on and JFDI (just f*cking do it).
So without further delay here are the three best pieces of advice I continuously use to help overcome the fraudulent feelings of being an imposter in just about every area of my life.
Are you in fact selfish?
The first profound concept I came across when I was literally crippled after I had just moved my personal training business online and was experiencing the pressure to deliver online content under an ever growing YouTube channel (something I had never planned to be a part of my work).
I distinctly remember walking through a field during the first lockdown mulling over these feelings of self doubt when a podcast was suggested to me on Spotify. It was The Mindset Mentor with a perfectly titled episode ‘Conquering your imposter syndrome’.
I think I listened to that podcast about 5 times in a row that day and the one sentence I took away was this:
‘If you have a piece of knowledge or information that could help at least one person and you choose (due to imposter syndrome) not to share it then you are being selfish’
It sounds a little harsh, but as a people pleaser it hit me right where it hurt most. The ‘s’ word… I was being selfish.
These words have really been the mvp’s when it has come to pulling me out of the depths of my mind and pretty much became my mantra for everything I do, especially within my business.
The way I see it now is if I have the ability to help just one person with a piece of content (this article is a great example… trust me I feel like an imposter just writing it), product or situation where I have to get out of my comfort zone, then I have a responsibility to do so. I’m not totally sure why it worked so well but these words were game changing for me.
Are you living in your comfort zone?
Next up, we are taking a slightly different approach than targeting our inner people pleaser and instead shedding some light on what imposter syndrome actually signifies.
I was recently at a talk with an ex special forces soldier called Leo Walker about resilience and leadership qualities and let me tell you, it was amazing.
Naturally though, with the talk of leadership, the concept of imposter syndrome was knocking at the door and we were reminded of the fact that those who are in the highest positions and with the most responsibility often suffer the worst. Ironically those are the people us mere mortals usually idolise or wouldn’t even consider would have even an ounce of self doubt (think prime ministers, celebrities and those really pushing the limits of human achievements).
Then comes the realisation that the people who are at the very top of the imposter pyramid often suffer the worst because they are are the ones actively seeking out challenge and discomfort. They are the ones stepping out into the discomfort of the unknown and pushing boundaries.
Then it clicked… imposter syndrome it not a bad thing. In fact as Leo said:
‘You should be seeking the feeling of imposter syndrome because if you’re not, you’re not attempting to reach your full potential’.
Damn, that one hit hard too. The concept that you are just cruising through life with so much potential but instead choosing to stay in your comfort zone is sobering. Life really is too short to not see just what you’re capable of.
Apply for that job, publish that article, compete in that competition, ask that person for coffee, start that business. In the blink of an eye we will be looking back and wondering why we doubted ourselves so much, by which time it will be too late.
Gate crashing the party
Finally, another recent addition to my ‘imposter syndrome advice’ repertoire is from another (more recent) podcast episode.
This time it kind of took me by surprise as the podcast wasn’t specifically about this topic at all but overall a really good listen (especially towards the end). This time the advice was kind of seeing the lighter side of the doom and playing imposter syndrome at it’s own game. Essentially it goes like this:
‘If I feel like an imposter then I’m going to embrace it. I’m going to simply see just how much I can get away with in this position and keep going until I do get caught out’
Jameela Jamil who was speaking on the podcast likened it to gatecrashing a wedding and just going balls to the wall until someone kicks you out. Kissing every guy, eating all the cake and busting out the craziest dance moves, something I already could take the trophy for (the dancing that is).
I quite liked this way of approaching it. It almost acts like a bit of reverse psychology and definitely gives the looming imposter syndrome figure a slightly less menacing face. It’s without a doubt something I will continue to remember going forward when it undoubtably rears its ugly head again.
So there we have it! A short and sweet summary of three very different pieces of advice that have helped me climb out of the pit (naturally after days of chronic fretting, crying on FaceTime to my friends and achieving very little) but give a big middle finger up to imposter syndrome nevertheless.
On a slight digression I think we live in a world where we love to label and diagnose every thought and feeling as if they are somewhat unique afflictions to us individually. I like to often bring myself down a peg or two and remind myself that a little self doubt, feelings of anxiousness and dis-ease are not only normal but healthy. That perhaps a life lived in the comfort of the familiar is one where we are not reaching our full potential and in fact should be something we should seek out more often.
Maybe, after all, imposter syndrome is actually our friend?